Self loving is the greatest loving of all.
In a world filled with judgement it is especially so. I recently was having a disagreement with someone close to me. Something that I am not at all ashamed of in my life was wielded at me like a razor-sharp dagger. I believe it’s fine for two consenting adults to have sex even if not in a committed relationship with each other. *gasp* Even if they are not even dating & are only friends. The initial “stab” was painful, I admit. It’s not what you say but how you say it. This was said mean. If something doesn’t feel right to you, choose not to do it in your life. It does not mean everyone must as well.
However, a quote came quickly to mind:
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent – Eleanor Roosevelt.
I admit it, I am a quote junkie. These moments are why. The most fitting ones always pop into my head when I need them. This allows me to step back & objectively analyze the situation for what it really is about. It is about this person feeling that my own sexual beliefs & actions should be more in line with what THEY think is correct. What is there for me to be hurt about? Nothing. They get to have their opinion. I get to have mine. Everybody wins. The situation says way more about their inability to accept that other people’s view points can be valid even if they are different from our own than anything else. That they do not understand it or think it is right does not make it an invalid stance. It is simply a different one.
It seems like such a simple little concept. Yet, people burn serious calories wanting to be right or trying to get people to see it their way. Someone having opinions or beliefs that are inversely different from our own does not make that person deserving of hate filled insults & energy. Sometimes, in my head, I feel like I want to speak to people like they are five. So, in my best, most patient taking to someone five tone, here goes: “It just means that they have a different opinion from you, honey. And that is alright.”
She lacks confidence, she craves admiration insatiably. She lives on the reflections of herself in the eyes of others. She does not dare to be herself. – Anais Nin
Were I not truly loving & accepting of all of who I am ( which on some days, admittedly, I am not), the exchange could have gone very differently. The hurling back of insults, my use of vocabulary to stab them back over & over again would have incited them to screaming, perhaps. What would that have accomplished? Nothing but infusing the world with yet more negative energy. There are plenty of other people to take care of that. I do not need to sign up for the hate crusader’s cavalry.
It takes two people to argue. When we do whatever inner work we need to do to be totally accepting of the us we are today, outside stimulus has less power. Even if it has some power, it will not take us out for very long. The love of ourselves, perfectly imperfect us, is the greatest Love of all.
Pop Quiz! Which is more attracting:
A) someone who crumbles or explodes at every insult wielded their way
B) someone able to stand in their power & let an insult calmly roll off their back?
An insult is rarely about you. It is often about them. It is in moments like that one I am eternally grateful for the journey towards self actualization. Have I arrived at it? No. I do know that I appreciate the lessons, growth & power of the road trip towards it though.
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserves your love & affection.” – Buddah