My parents have been married nearly forty years. They left Barbados and lived in Boston. Love lessons like this they showed me: One of the last worst snow days in their winter experience a fifteen minute drive is taking hours. My mother is driving home from work. She is running out of gas. My father drives through the snow and gets a container full of gas. He starts heading for where my mother is stuck in traffic. He gets stopped by a police officer at a cut off point road block. He explains to the officer that he has to get thru because his wife is running out of gas. The officer tells him that he cannot drive past. My father parks his car and walks the rest of the way in the snow to my mother. Puts gas in her car. He then walks back to his car. He drives home and shovels out two car park spaces. When my mother finally makes it home all she has to do is move the chair holding the space, park and go inside. I learned these types of lessons about love growing up.
My parents argued sometimes. Arguing never meant that they stopped loving each other though. They could be angry and still take care of each other. My mother still would cook dinner. My father still would clean up the kitchen and take out the trash afterwards.
I asked my mother once how they lasted so long. She said it is because even though they are two very different people, they agree on the basics of how life is to be lived: money, family, goals, work ethic, and spirituality. I learned to be very clear on these things before getting into a committed relationship.
My mother told me that when they first started going out my Dad would wait for her at the bus stop. He’d be standing there shirt untucked. She told him that she would not be seen with anyone looking untidy. The next day he was at the bus stop as usual, shirt untucked. So, she stayed on the bus, got off at a later stop and left him standing there. Growing up, I learned to have my standards and be clear about them early on in the relationship.
Imagine if a potential partner said to you: “Listen, I’ll build you the house of your dreams. Well, one that is within my means but you gotta work with me for about 30 years. I have nothing right now. Some of those years I may not be the main bread-winner. I promise to work my hardest to make sure you are always taken care of. Are you with me?”
When I hear some women today list what they want in a mate, it is typically someone who has accomplished WAY MORE than they themselves have. The little thought bubble over my head always reads: What are you bringing to the partnership? I learned the meaning of true partnership growing up watching my parents.
I grew up knowing how I deserved to be treated. No one can ever try to treat me less than how my father treats my mother. I grew up knowing that true love and partnership ARE POSSIBLE. I never worry about if it will happen for me. So, even if you did not grow up seeing and learning these lessons your heart knows them. Your gut instinct knows them. Your imagination knows who he/she is, how he/she treats you, how you feel in his/her presence. Love is an action word not a feeling. Spend time each and everyday fully experiencing that energy knowing, KNOWING without a doubt, they are on the way. Do it as you’re falling asleep or right when you wake up. The rest of the time, do you. Work on being the best, most confident you, you can be.
This energy that is in us, all around us and makes up everything we can and cannot see is Love. Love is what we come from. So Loved is what we all deserve to be.