What You Think Of Me Is None Of My Business…

EGO

EGO (Photo credit: Alii Vella)

Most days I can walk out of the house with my hair barely combed & zero make-up and feel great about it.  However, on my way to go see a burlesque show this week, I feel this strong need to put on at least enough make up to cover the marks & pimples on my face.  I  step back from myself, watching myself go through this whole soap opera.  I can’t help but think, “What are you doing?”

Brush
My ego was having an extreme “pre-game” party.  The reality of it is, I am  one too many super shocked, “Damn, you clean up well’s” in.  They’ve been hurting my little feelings lately :-(.  Do I look that bad without all the glitz?  During almost the entire train ride WISUCK Fm has the free reign to play its broadcast in my brain:  “Maybe they’re right.  You look so blank canvas plain without make-up.  You should at least wear make up in Burlesque settings.  But I don’t want to.  I go to my day job in sneakers, jeans, sweats & tees.  (Believe me when I tell you I take full advantage of being able to be comfortable at work.)  Am I giving off some kind of strange message about who I am in this world though?”

English: visual representation of the Freud's ...We sometimes attempt to maintain images that most celebrities cannot even keep up without several teams (hair, stylist, make up artist, trainer, nutritionist, air-brushing after the photo is taken, etc.).  I look around & realize I am smack dab in the middle of this very mouse trap.  I know better.  I’ve seen up close & personal the kind of suffering people in the public eye go through to maintain their public image & brand.  However, sometimes even the knowing doesn’t stop me from being affected.  Wayne Dyer talks about learning this lesson from one of his teachers, Abraham Maslow:

Self-actualized people are independent of the good opinion of others. – Wayne Dyer

I should take heed.  What did I do?  Well, not only do I cover the marks & pimples but I also fix my eyebrows & apply lip gloss.  Yeah, I had to laugh at myself.  Ego is a helluva drug.  Eventually, the radio station signs off.  I continue along my way to watch the show.  Good thing for the folks on the subway, the thought bubble over my head is not audible to all.  It’s amazing to be among so many people knowing each person is having their own broadcast in their head.  Sometimes, I remind myself:  they ain’t thinkin’ ’bout you!  They have their own stuff to think about.  No one knows but us what’s being played on our personal radio broadcasts.  I try to keep the broadcast bright.  However, sometimes, I just plain loose.

/ id, ego, super-ego /

You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you if you realized how seldom they do. – Eleanor Roosevelt

9 thoughts on “What You Think Of Me Is None Of My Business…

  1. Skye says:

    Oh, I DO hear ya, sister! Last year I finally just had *enough* of smearing goo on my face so as not to scare the natives when I go to work.
    Annnnnnd I got a lot of this: *suddenly serious face* “Are you ok??!”

    Know what? For the most part, fuggit.
    I wear makeup when I want to now (with the exception of new clients~that first visit is a socially acceptable gimme…then we’ll see…) & when I get the concerned attitude I just say “Yep, This is what I look like without makeup.” & get on w/ the business at hand.

    Hey. That only took 53 years!!! ‘;-)

    • Nice *high five*!

      It usually doesn’t bother me but i’d been doing so many shows walking in bare faced and people are like who ARE you. I’m pretty sure it happens to many burlyq and other performers who do really dramatic make up for shows. But back to back the last few weeks it started to feel like lil rapid fire bullets in my egos head lol…

  2. satsumaart says:

    Yesterday I went to a mall for the first time in ages — a really upscale mall, at that — and instantly felt all that pressure to alter everything about myself: makeup, shoes, outfit, weight, etc. Then I thought, “f— it, I’m healthy, happy, and too busy for this crap, and I’m going to own it.” So I did, and when I saw myself in a full-length mirror in the restroom I was happily surprised that the first word that came to mind was “insouciant.” If that’s what “I must look like a mess” really looks like, I’ll take it!!

    But it’s got to be really different for you, since your internal radio station seems to be comparing you to the people you work with, rather than total strangers. Good luck with that station… amazing how the people who work there never go on break, huh? ;b

    • Hey There,

      *high five* on the I’ll Take It! No, I don’t compare myself to how I look re: anyone else. It’s more about what I look like vs what I “should” look like in certain settings… At the end of the day, oh, eff it usually wins.

      • satsumaart says:

        Thanks for the high five. 🙂

        Oh, interesting. For me, usually “should” traces back to worrying about how others see me, and ultimately to a fear that I don’t measure up to some unspoken standard (which is a kind of indirect comparison). I was thinking about this yesterday at the mall, because I was looking at all the dressed-up folks and thinking that I felt pressure to look like them… but they are probably all feeling the pressure to look like somebody else (a celeb maybe). I think you’re totally right to remind yourself ” they ain’t thinkin’ ’bout you!” They’re probably following their own internal “I should look/act/be like ____”!

  3. CL says:

    I think its just human nature to allow ourselves to get caught up, take me for example I don’t wear make up, but I do like dressing up or let’s say looking nice.. Well I have undergone a major transformation in my life over the past 10 months or so, I embraced a vegan diet and a healthier lifestyle consequently throughout this process I have dropped 80+ pounds, I am 6″8 290 pounds, I used to weigh 365 pounds, I can’t wear any of my old clothes and I like to look the par, so I’ve been faced with having all of my clothes recut which is very expensive and I’m not down to what I consider will be my ideal weight, so I hear these voices daily to the point that I realized that I was intentionally not taking meetings ? Or showing up at social functions that I had participated with in the past.. So thank you Essence for this post and making me realize that it’s my damn ego playing tricks on me again….

  4. Herb Brooks says:

    I never had any bones about telling my wife when we were dating my preference for her face without make-up. If she wanted to, ok, but she didnt need it. I wanted to kiss an undone face and come back with clean lips. Give your skin and yourselves a break and let the world see you as you were made, Magnificent.

    I also have an ideal self image and personna the pursuit of which keeps me from enjoying who I am. In most cases, I’m just stuck with me. And everyone else is too.

    Thanks, Essence. I am even putting ego on hold to reply to a ‘women’s issue’ forum.

    • I have to say thanks to the all the guys who chime in here as well 🙂 You & CL remind us that men deal with this stuff too. What’s interesting is that most people I date prefer me without make up. I hear many, many, MANY guys say what you just did about preferring no make up. But on the days when I am made up, I get THE most attention from men on the street… Hmmmm… #somethingdon’taddup

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