Word is Bond or… Not

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Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.  – Carl Jung

In my case it is very true.  One of my biggest pet peeves is people who don’t do what they say they will do.  Because of this, I very seldom ask for help.  So, then, what does this lead to?  Yup, me not being able to get everything I said I would do in a timely manner.  The perfectionist in me is not happy about it!  For the most part I am good about calling to say, xyz will no longer be happening when I said it would.  It is a courtesy that is not always returned to me though, I must say.  So, this is something that I am focusing on working on this year.

There are things that I haven’t gotten to yet that are incessantly buzzing in the back of my mind as I go through each day.  I can count them on one hand & still have fingers left over.  But it doesn’t matter how few there are.  They are there and I am hyper aware of them.  I can’t help but wonder how people who habitually don’t keep commitments handle the buzzing in their heads.  Only psychopaths have no sense of guilt.  Perhaps, they quantify the dismissed commitments as “no big deal”.  This noise is still buzzing even if only subconsciously.

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You are what you DO not what you SAY. -Carl Jung

NOTHING good comes from this buzz.  Every time I don’t keep a commitment (and it doesn’t matter if it is ‘big’ or ‘small’) it diminishes trust.  It diminishes trust that the other party has in me.  THAT in and of itself is bad enough.  What’s worse is that it diminishes my trust in myself.  The times in life when I have a hard time starting a project or bringing one to completion are directly related to how well I have been doing with keeping commitments.  It does not have to be this way.  A text, a call and e-mail to de-commit sent as soon as possible can silence the buzz & retain trust.  I have to remind myself that I too deserve the courtesy of a de-commitment from myself as well.

Me:  Hey, Self.

Self: Huh?

Me:  I’m de-commiting from going to the gym 5 days a week. Between rehearsals and shows, though, we’ll stay physical.

Self:  Ok, thanks for letting me know.  I’ll tell the nagging voices in our head. 😉

People actually did huge business deals on a hand shake.  Being integritous of one’s word is a dying practice, it seems.  Nowadays, we need a contract for the contract to be honored.  Lack of integrity spawns hypocrisy also.  I see so many people foam at the mouth about, for example, being owed money.  Yet, these same people will not think it a big deal to pay a bill late (Of course, I’m not talking about when you just don’t have it). Hello, you owe these people money!  This is also a commitment.  But it is justified because, well, the landlord has money or the big company has money or any other myriad of excuses.  All is energy, all is karma.  Don’t get me wrong, life happens.  Nothing is absolute.  I have had incidents of accidentally double booking myself, for example, to prove it :(.

OK, there I admitted it.  Am I the only one that thinks this way?  I’m so curious to hear your thoughts on this one.

English: icon of Keep Your Word by bambooapps

Icon of Keeping One's Word via Wikipedia

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8 thoughts on “Word is Bond or… Not

  1. Skye says:

    I totally agree with you @ the issues of our culture peeing on commitment on virtually every level (a shame, but *we* don’t have to participate in that karma), & I am glad you are decommitting in plenty of time to be honorable.
    And I must say, what caught my attention the most was the internal habit of wanting to be the Lone Ranger In Fabulous Attire.
    As a woman who began to notice many moons ago that my Superwoman cape was getting pretty fuckin’ frayed, I would offer that perhaps an exploration of why we (still including myself in this club, though I’m much better…) feel that the rest of humanity is A) untrustworthy B) can’t do it as well as me C) *continue list at your own leisure*…
    There is, indeed, a reason why there is more than one of us on the planet.
    We need each other.

    • Thank you! Where is the like button for comments? *looks around* It is that dern ego again wanting me to think no one can be trusted or no one will want to be bothered with helping me. It’s been proven time & time again to be untrue. Growth is work & an ongoing process I’m comitted to. Yes, the superwoman cape has to go… there just is no such thing. Yes, going it alone is counter productive & futile, I think… Thanks Again, Essence

  2. Kim says:

    There will always be people in the world that will let us down, and de-commit without a single peep.

    I think, as you say, the most important thing is for staying committed to ourselves, and others in a way that leaves us feeling whole and powerful.

    Giving yourself the right to change your mind about going to the Gym 5 times a week is a wonderful thing, or calling a friend to cancel is good too if the situation no longer fits …

    So stay true to yourself, and know, there will be times when someone wont pay you or show up for a date.. however, I think we learn from these experiences, and the red flags are much easier seen.

    Love to you!!!

    Great post!

  3. Herb Brooks says:

    Very inspiring. It’s nice to know that I am not alone in some of my thought processes. I have really been getting better at letting my yes be yes and communicating with people even when it’s to let them down. I have made a concerted effort to rectify disappointing actions and to be present behind my yesses and my no’s. Thanks for reminding me to take the weight off my mind now so it doesn’t linger later.
    And Skye, I hear you, too. The smartest in the room is the one who gets the best around them.

    Stay True All!

    Herb

    • I can attest to your doing a good job, in my humble opionion. Yeah, it’s extremely difficult sometimes for me to have to say no after I’d said yes… But I remind my lil self that the world went on before me & will continue after me. For some reason, it makes me think of folks. Who stay in relationships because they don’t want to hurt the other partner’s feelings. But staying is dishonest & dishonesty is hurtful. I seem to pin everything to my ego. It wants me to believe it (whatever, it is at the time) can’t go on without me or something, I dunno… I’m learning & continuing to be a work in progress. Universe is not done with me yet. Incubation still happening 🙂 Thanks for the reply.

  4. satsumaart says:

    I like that you committed to de-committing with yourself. I need to do that more often. I’m always disappointed when people don’t follow through with things, too, though I feel like we’re all pressed into it; somehow I think a lot of us feel like we have to commit to everything, or do everything, or be there for every friend every time, and that’s how we all end up saying, “Yes, sure!” far more than we can actually commit to carrying out.

    • Pressed into it? Mmmm… I have to take responsibility for each yeah sure I make. At this point no one can ‘make’ me feel like I ‘have to’ do anything. Not even my parents lol… It is all my own doing. Yeah, de-commiting for myself seems to help me not beat myself up, move forward & stay present. So, I find it useful. Thanks for your thoughts. They are appreciated 🙂

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