submissive Relationships

English: A submissive man worshipping a woman'...

I spoke about my submissive feelings in the Dominant submissive Relationship blog I wrote.  Like I mentioned in the post there are very few people who have the command to render me into a submissive space.  I tend to walk through the world being Dominant.  Dominants believe that they deserve to guide and be served.  I actually believe that I am deserving period.  We all are deserving of all good just because we exist.  It seems as if Dominants are clearer more often about this fact.  Dominants do not move through the world as if they require permission to be.  They just are Dominant by nature.  The Dominant/submissive relationship is an agreed upon space for this energy to be freely explored in partnership.

English: Woman standing on submissive male.

Currently, I do my best to harness Dominant energy to help me navigate life.  It is especially useful when life’s challenges inevitably arise.  In the past, however, it has been able to be realized through having relationships where people sub my Domme.  I had a huge appreciation for the fact that they trusted me and chose to serve and be trained by me.  In my case, their ultimate goal was to be of service to me.  They were happy when they did well and made me happy.  Unlike what some people may imagine a Dominant/submissive relationship to be like, it was not about me whaling off on some poor submissive soul.  It was not the type of exchange where I had absolute power.  There are Master/slave relationships where the Master decides all.  Even still, that is an agreed upon way of living.  The slave chooses to be owned.

English: A woman spanking a submissive man.

As I understand and chose to explore Dominant/submissive relationships there are set agreements that both Dominant and submissive define.  Once the agreement is set, though, the Dominant will not take kindly to an agreement being broken.  It will have to be addressed.  Only after the initial honest communication happens can this type of relationship move forward with clarity and safety.  This helps develop trust.  Trust is important in any relationship and this kind is no different.  The submissive must trust that the Dominant has their best interest at heart.  The Dominant wants to see their sub develop and grow into their best.  A sub should feel protected and safe in the control of their Dominant partner.

“What I need is someone who will make me do what I can.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

I fear that all this 50 Shades of Grey talk has people’s imaginations running wild about what a power exchange relationship looks like.  I hear people talk of submissives having no power.  I hear people speak as if being a Dominant means being all-powerful.  However, think about this:  If a Dominant has no submissive agree to serve them then the Dominant would have a bit of a challenge in expressing Dominance other than toward themselves, right?  Therefore, in the same way I can have the utmost respect and admiration for someone who is Dominant to me.  When in a Dominant space, I have the utmost respect and admiration for those who gift me with their service.

The single vertical line means authority, powe...

The single vertical line means authority, power, or dominance. The three horizontal lines together is an established ideogram. In one system of psychological signs the three horizontal lines symbol is used to mean ‘passive intellect’, which is synonymous with submissive. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

ESSENCE REVEALED – Essence Revealed is first generation Bajan born & raised in Boston.  She got her BFA at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts and MA at NYU’s Steinhardt School of Education.  Her writing has appeared places such as $pread Magazine, Corset Magazine, and 21st Century Burlesque.  She now performs & teaches nationally and internationally both solo and as a member of Brown Girls Burlesque.  Her favorite thing to do besides reading is to lay on the beach in Barbados to rest up for a night of calypso dancing.  Help Essence get to the Milan Burlesque Awards!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s